At 3 today, I was feeling all proud of myself for being awake at a decent hour- already showered and wearing clothes… Then it hit me: I had an essay to finish for class tomorrow.
Shit.
Not to worry, the feeling of dread quickly passed as I realized my dorm room was an effing pig sty. Nothing excites me like a mess, and the prospect of cleaning it up. So I quickly began tidying that shit up- I even went so far as to Lysol the door knobs and Frebreze my throw pillows and the entire contents of my wardrobe, and this turned into a highly intense game of Let’s-see-how-much-stuff-I-can-organize-and-disinfect-before-I-get-bored.
Which ended at 5.
At this time, Grownup Mercedes was all “Golly Gee Wizard, I should probably start that essay now.”
So what do I do?
Facebook creep.
Brush my hair.
Facebook creep my Ex’s fat girlfriend. (Even if she were a zero she would be fat in my eyes…)
Post a picture on Facebook of the moustache sticker I got on my French quiz.
Think about Ebola.
Think about how I would rather shoot a baby panda than get Ebola. (I really like pandas, so this is saying something.)
Go pee.
Wash my hands and wonder if you can get Ebola through unwashed hands.
Wonder if I even know what Ebola is.
Google Ebola and verify that I would, in fact, rather shoot a baby panda than get it.
Peel the paint from my left pointer finger.
Call my Nana and convince her to make me some bread.
Change clothes again.
Eat a lunchable.
Watch like 10 Jenna Marbles videos on YouTube.
Wonder if she has a blog.
Decide I should have a blog. Because when I drop out of college I can just say that “writing is an art form and attending a University was in no way letting me express myself creatively and to my full ability, and I was just there to meet future Pre-Med dudes anyway which I have now done. And besides I have a blog now.”
Create afore mentioned blog.
Write this post.
Feel like a winner.
Feel like a failure because I am still but a measly two-pages deep into a 6-page essay.
Smile because although I will be up at the wee-hours of the morning, I still have 3 very important things to smile about:
1. I’m still pretty.
2. I now have a blog. (What does it mean?!?!)
3. I still don’t have Ebola.
Take THAT, society!
I should probably start that essay now.
